How to Set Boundaries With Technology

This topic is fresh on my mind, not only because it’s something I’m working on myself but also one that’s become more important to me now that I’m pregnant. I’ve been learning a lot on how screen time affects our brains (both adults and children) so I wanted to dive into this topic a little deeper and share some ways we can start setting boundaries with technology today.

Let’s start with why this is important in the first place.

Our lives are filled with all sorts of screens - computer, phone, tablet, TV…just like the toxic chemicals we’re exposed to on a daily basis, our bodies were not designed for this. The pace we’ve evolved as humans is significantly slower than how quickly technology has evolved.

I’m not sure if we’ll ever catch up at the rate we’re going! So what are these screens in our faces all the time actually doing to us?

It starts with a neurotransmitter you may have heard of called dopamine - it plays a role in how we feel pleasure and reward. Every time we check our likes, scroll for content, receive a notification or play a video game it triggers a dopamine release in the brain. This is why we keep coming back to the screens - it works similarly to how gambling processes in the brain. The excitement of not knowing what we’re going to get, always something new…the behavior is reinforced with the constant hits of dopamine (so we keep coming back for more!) Our brains weren’t designed for these constant dopamine hits with little to no breaks. Over time this can lead to behavioral changes like increased impulsivity, anxiety and decreased attention span. Not ideal!

When you understand why screens (especially phones) are so addicting, you can first gain that awareness to decide if you want to start setting some boundaries with your technology. There are many ways to go about this and as a health coach, I always recommend setting small realistic goals to help you achieve your larger one. 

For example, if you ultimately want to cut off screen time at 8pm every night and you currently are scrolling for an hour or more until 9pm most nights - what’s one way you can start small? Maybe it’s cutting off screen time at 8pm TWO nights this week and seeing how it feels. When deciding if this goal seems achievable, ask yourself “on a scale of 1-10, how realistic is this goal for me (with 1 being “absolutely no way I can do this” and 10 being “I got this, no problem!”) If your number is less than an 8, you may want to adjust your small goal. Be sure to take inventory of how you feel now and how you feel once you achieve that goal - what do you notice? When that two nights a week becomes easy, can you make it 3 or 4? Can you bump up the time to 7 or 7:30pm? Find what works with your lifestyle and that will get you feeling like YOU are in control of your phone and not like your phone has control over you.

There’s all sorts of ways to hold yourself accountable if you need a little something extra to set that boundary. You can put your phone on grayscale so it’s not pretty to look at, put it in another room, set “do not disturb,” and there’s even options within the iPhone now to limit usage like scheduling downtime and setting app limits. 

My personal experience with excessive screen time overall just doesn’t make me feel good. I try to use my time efficiently and endlessly scrolling does the complete opposite. It’s fine sometimes but multiple times a day everyday just doesn’t do it for me (but thanks to all that dopamine, we continue to do it anyway!) So I’m sharing with you what I’m working on right now so you can hold me accountable. I’ve gotten better about not checking my phone after 8pm (it’s on do not disturb from 8pm-9am) but I am hoping to have stronger morning boundaries with my tiny screen. I tend to check my phone after waking up but my goal right now is to wait until breakfast to do so (so about an hour and a half into my day). Wish me luck! :)

We live in an era where we rely on screens for work, pleasure, connection and information. So it’s up to us to set those boundaries (which will look different for everyone) in order to give our brains a much-needed break.

If you’re looking to set some boundaries with your technology, ask yourself - what does your ideal relationship look like with your phone (or screens in general)? First, create that overall vision. Next, start setting one small goal a week or every other week for the next 60 days. As you achieve those small goals, continue to adjust until your reach your vision. Take it one step further and replace that screen time with something that really serves you - reading, journaling, walking…find something you enjoy with no screens required!