The #1 Secret to Making Your Wellness Feel Effortless
My goal when it comes to coaching is to make my clients’ wellness feel effortless. When your health starts to feel like a chore, it can be frustrating and more difficult to stick with productive habits and goals. We have enough responsibilities in life that DO feel like a chore, but taking care of yourself does not have to be one of them. But how exactly can you make your wellness feel effortless? Let’s find out.
Many people come to coaching wanting to focus on eating healthier or getting back into a fitness routine. These are very important to your overall well-being but can be daunting for some if the underlying foundation isn’t taken care of. If you’ve ever found these areas of your life to be a constant battle, know that you’re not alone…and thankfully there’s something you can do about it!
So what is that underlying foundation anyway?
It’s the relationship with yourself.
Think about it - if you’re constantly putting yourself down, punishing your body for not looking the way you want it to, feeling inadequate…there’s no long term motivation to implement healthier habits. Typically the changes we make under this mindset can be rigid, and ultimately do not support our well-being. If you hate the way you look, you might be more likely to fad diet and / or over exercise which can lead to cortisol dysregulation and ultimately negatively impacts your mind and body.
We want to implement habits that make us feel good from the inside out and it’s much easier to do that when you have a strong relationship with yourself. When you give yourself grace, practice self-compassion and know you deserve to feel good - that’s the intrinsic motivation you need to sustain these healthy habits.
I realize this is easier said than done. Self-love is a hot topic of conversation these days but I understand this doesn’t come easily to everyone, especially those who have a difficult family history or faced traumatic events. I am not a therapist and depending on your unique needs, it’s best to seek out a qualified therapist to help guide this journey.
But if you’re someone who is struggling to keep healthy habits and you’re not sure why, strengthening the relationship with yourself just might be the answer.
Now, how do we go about this?
I like to say, you can’t sheet mask your way to loving yourself. As much as I love skincare (and it’s my original form of self-care, for almost 20 years!) it’s not the solution to ending your negative self talk. This is a process that involves intention, curiosity and compassion. It takes time and there are many lessons to learn along the way. But it can come a little more easily if you have a road map (which we’ll get into shortly).
My personal journey has involved a few major breakthroughs so far (and I’m sure more to come!) But there are two significant ones I wanted to share, just to give you an idea of what this could look like.
One example is when I started doing Melissa Wood Health during Covid and realized I don’t have to stress my body doing these high impact workouts (which I was doing previously) in order to see results. And even better? The results I experienced were not only in my body but my mind. I had never experienced that before when it came to my work outs - it was all about how they made me look, not necessarily how they made me feel. This new style of low impact workouts taught me to connect to my mind and body in a whole new (and enjoyable!) way. I felt like I was nourishing my body and not punishing it. This was a significant pivot for me to dive into self-love much deeper (when it’s something I hadn’t really thought about previously).
Another shift for me happened when I read Quit Like a Woman and it completely changed the way I thought about alcohol. I never really loved drinking but thought I had to, not only so I felt comfortable but catering to the comfort of others as well (note: if someone makes you feel bad about not drinking - their discomfort is a THEM problem, not a YOU problem). That mindset change led me to significantly reduce my alcohol intake. I still drink on occasion (although not now because I’m pregnant) but it’s only when there’s something that sounds good to me and I will actually enjoy. This led me down the path of coming to terms with my people pleasing tendencies, and was the kick I needed to start setting some boundaries (something I know many of us struggle with as women).
These aha moments are profound and it’s important to take the time to reflect on what’s happening and how you want to move forward.
Now, finally - what you came here for! Here are some strategies you can implement today to start building that strong foundation with yourself for life.
01. Discover the little things that bring you joy
This is the easiest way to bring a little more happiness and a little less stress into your life. However, this requires you to slow down and be present so you can take notice of these little things (it’s worth it - I promise!) It can be anything like a cute dog with his head out the window, a pretty flower on your walk or witnessing a kind interaction between strangers. Certainly there are “bigger things” we love to experience like a vacation or a fun event. These are great too! But when you can find joy in everyday (even seemingly mundane) things, you may just find yourself experiencing more gratitude. I talk about this in more detail on this episode of the Groovy Geminis podcast if you’re interested in exploring this more.
When you realize how much joy there is in your life, and therefore experience more gratitude, you may just start thinking to yourself “how cool that I get to experience this?!”
Speaking of gratitude…
02. Practice gratitude
When you increase your sense of gratitude for the external (the roof over your head, a nourishing meal, a supportive partner, a fulfilling career) you start to increase your gratitude for the internal (the ability to move your body, the strength you are building, your sense of empathy and compassion). We often to go the external when we think about what we’re grateful for (which is also important!) but it may take extra effort for some to think about the internal (all things YOU!) This means everything from your personality, to your mind, body, looks, skills, talents…don’t be ashamed to be grateful for these things!
Find a consistent gratitude practice that works for you - maybe you write down 3 things you’re grateful for each morning, you can set a number of alarms on your phone each day and think about one thing you’re grateful for each time one goes off, or you note everything that went well that day before bed. There are many ways to go about this so try one that resonates with you and start to notice the shift.
03. Mindfulness
In my personal experience, my self-love greatly increased when I began meditating. This was not even my intention when I started. But that’s what’s so cool about meditation - you go into it for one thing and end up reaping way more benefits than you could have imagined. But I know many tend to shut down when they hear about meditation (and I get it - that was me for many years!) So if that sounds too intimidating, try another mindfulness practice. There are many ways you can quiet the mind and focus on the present. This goes back to finding the little things that bring you joy - when you can be present, even just for a few minutes, you’ll start to experience these joyous moments you may not have otherwise.
04. Learn what fuels you
Once you start to get the mindfulness thing down, it’s much easier to get in tune with what your mind and body actually need. When we’re too distracted and stressed, we are less likely to pay attention to symptoms and signs (like dehydration, bloating, fatigue, burnout, anxiety, etc). Once you can quiet the noise, you can figure out what you need more or less of and really hone in on what fuels you. This fuel can be used on a daily basis and you can create a routine around it (for me it’s mindfulness, nourishing food, movement, and a short gratitude practice). Know it’s okay if some of these things may not be doable for you on a daily basis, but maybe you can incorporate these things monthly or quarterly. Once you have the download, you’ll be able to shift your priorities to make more time for what fuels you. My non-daily examples would be the farmers market, dancing / seeing live music, girls night (or trips!) and just having a really good / inspiring conversation.
05. Find your purpose
This may have some overlap with finding what fuels you. While that’s more about prioritizing what fills you up, finding your purpose is about discovering what you were put here to do. With social media, we see so many people turning their passion into their career (which I have been lucky enough to do a few times over - but it does have its downfalls…it’s not all as glamorous as Instagram makes it out to be!) But your career doesn’t have to be your purpose! It’s important to find some purpose in your job, as what you spend most of your days doing, but it doesn’t have to be the only thing you were meant to achieve on earth. Your purpose can be being a parent, expressing your creativity, being in service to others (whether it’s something you’re paid to do or on a volunteer basis), or bringing people together. When you figure out what your purpose is, your life will flow more easily - you’ll be living in alignment with who you’re meant to be. And when you feel this feeling, you really can’t help but love yourself!
One fun activity that can help you discover your purpose is to think of what you enjoyed as a kid and if any of that is present in your life today. If not, are there ways you’d like to incorporate some of these things? This is something I only thought of more recently, as I realized many things I enjoyed as a kid are part of my life today (like music, animals, writing and science). But the big one is my life’s purpose - being in service to others. I’ve always enjoyed helping people, ever since I was little. Although that’s looked different throughout my personal life (like volunteering for various organizations) and career (which has evolved from fashion to marketing and now health and wellness), the reason behind everything I’ve done was to help others. Whether it be help them with their style, help their business reach a new audience or help someone feel happier and healthier - I know was put here to help others.
If all else fails, take note from Matthew Hussey and ask yourself - what can you do to take care of your human? If you’ve tried all of these things and nothing seems to resonate - give this podcast episode a listen. It was inspired by this Blonde Files episode where author and dating coach Matthew Hussey gives listeners a complete reframe of self-love. Instead of thinking about the relationship with yourself as a romantic relationship (which is typically conditional) consider it to be a parent-child relationship (which is unconditional). You’d never ask a parent “why do you love your child?” You just do. And you do everything you can to take care of them. That’s how you should be viewing the relationship with yourself. He says that essentially you’re given this one human (mind and body) and it’s your job to take care of it. So what can you do to take care of your human? I thought this was an interesting take, especially because it’s become quite popular to “romanticize your life” (which is great but doesn’t necessarily resonate with everyone).
After being consistent with these practices, you’ll start to notice the other aspects of your health become a little easier. You want to make better food choices, you want to move your body, you want to prioritize your sleep. Because these things make you feel GOOD (and isn’t that what we all want anyway?!)
I hope some of these tips help you reframe how you think about yourself and the most important relationship in your life - which is with YOU.
